 -Kirk Tjalas, F.N.P.
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In general, the term “masochist” refers to someone who takes pleasure in their own pain, suffering, and humiliation. Most often, you’ll hear it in a sexual context, connected to the world of kink or consensual BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism). Imagine whips, chains, paddles, and handcuffs, although the world of BDSM is even more creative than that.
A sexual masochist is someone who gets aroused specifically from pain or humiliation, whether physical or mental. At its extreme, sexual masochism can be considered a type of paraphilia—a sexual interest beyond what’s considered “normal.” However, for many people, it’s simply a kink that brings extra pleasure to their sexual experiences. And it’s not as taboo as it used to be.
Masochism vs. Paraphilia
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) defines a sexual interest as a paraphilia when someone becomes intensely aroused by “deviant” fantasies and acts upon them. But who gets to decide what’s deviant when it comes to sex?
Some paraphilias, like pedophilia or exposing oneself in a crowd, are never okay. But others, like masochistic fantasies of being choked, bitten, or spanked during sex, can be perfectly healthy as long as all participants are willing and able to consent. These behaviors only become problematic when they harm others or significantly disrupt your life.
Sexual masochism, kink, and BDSM aren’t practices that are hidden in the shadows anymore. A recent study found that 51% of men and 41% of women engaged in at least one sexual behavior considered “abnormal,” which calls into question whether those behaviors should be seen as deviant at all (Castellini et al., 2018). If Fifty Shades of Grey and its mildly spicy BDSM scenes sold over 150 million copies worldwide, can sexual masochism really be considered all that deviant?
The general consensus is that masochistic behavior is within the healthy spectrum of human sexual desires, as long as it’s consensual and doesn’t involve any illegal behavior. In fact, there’s evidence that masochism is linked to higher satisfaction with one’s sex life (Joyal & Carpentier, 2017).
What are Masochistic Sexual Behaviors?
Masochistic behavior can take on many forms. Mostly, it’s about seeking out pain or suffering and enjoying it. The pain you seek could be physical; for example, using whips or paddles in the bedroom. It could involve being bitten or burned. Using restraints (possibly painful ones) can come into play here, too. Or you might enjoy being humiliated and submitting to someone more dominating. If these scenarios resonate with you, you’re not alone. Plenty of people enjoy various flavors of masochism in their sex lives.
But masochism doesn’t have to involve physical pain or discomfort. A different form of masochism is growing online called findom, or financial domination. This involves getting aroused from being humiliated and degraded, and then paying for that service. The payment itself is part of the pleasure for those who enjoy this.
The universe of masochistic behavior is vast, and it doesn’t always involve sex. For example, some people enjoy gambling but get more pleasure from losing than winning—a form of non-sexual masochism (Rosenthal, 2015).
What is Sadomasochism?
Sadomasochism is an umbrella term that refers to sexual practices where pleasure is derived from inflicting or receiving pain and suffering. It’s a power play: typically, one person dominates and the other submits. The dynamic is mutually beneficial, sexually pleasing to both parties, and most importantly, consensual.
Don’t confuse sadomasochism with sadism, which involves taking pleasure in causing pain and suffering without consent. Sadomasochism, although it can be intense, is ultimately about the gratification and enjoyment of all parties involved.
When is Masochistic Behavior a Problem?
The DSM-5 lists paraphilias (liking something different in the bedroom) separately from paraphilic disorders (liking something that’s a problem). As BDSM and kink become more accepted as variants of normal sexual interests rather than a “deviant lifestyle,” this distinction helps normalize healthy sexual behavior.
So when does it become a disorder? Masochistic behavior is only an issue if it’s causing problems. This could mean it interferes with your day-to-day activities or causes harm to you or someone else without consent. There’s a diagnosable condition called sexual masochistic disorder for cases where masochism causes extreme distress or harm to those involved.
In rare cases, masochism can be problematic even when consensual. Kinky sex might include some level of strangulation or suffocation (also called breath play), which can be dangerous and has led to accidental deaths in rare cases (Coluccia et al., 2016; Bauer, 2021). If you’re into intense BDSM, safety and communication are key.
Even though some masochistic behavior poses risks, if it makes you feel excited and sexually satisfied, then it’s most likely not a problem. Explore what you like, and play within the limits of what feels safe and comfortable.
How Do I Know If I’m a Masochist?
By definition, you may be a masochist if you enjoy experiencing pain and suffering, especially during sex. This can cover a wide range of behaviors, from enjoying intense physical sensations to finding pleasure in humiliation or dominance scenarios. Researchers still don’t fully understand why some people lean toward masochistic tendencies (Konrad, 2015).
If you recognize masochistic behaviors in yourself, it’s not inherently negative. Understanding your sexual preferences can help you define what good sex means for you. It can also encourage you to communicate openly about what you want in sexual experiences. The most important aspect is to stay safe and enjoy yourself.
Masochism, BDSM, and kink, in general, are becoming less taboo and more widely accepted as just another aspect of sexual preference. There’s empowerment in being able to express your desires, even if they’re a little kinky. But if you have concerns about safety and don’t know how to navigate them, many resources and professionals are available to help you learn more.
Conclusion
Masochism, whether in the form of sexual behavior or other types of pain-seeking activities, is a complex aspect of human sexuality. As long as the activities are consensual and safe, masochism can be a healthy part of one’s sexual expression. At Priority Medical Group, we believe in empowering individuals to explore and embrace their sexual preferences safely and responsibly. If you have questions or need support, don’t hesitate to contact us.
Disclaimer
If you have any medical questions or concerns, please talk to your healthcare provider. The information provided here is based on peer-reviewed research and medical guidelines but should not replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
References
- Bauer, R. (2021). The rise of consensual non-consent: An exploration of CNC within BDSM. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 18(6), 1020-1029.
- Castellini, G., Fanni, E., Tripodi, F., Mazzoli, F., Vignozzi, L., & Maggi, M. (2018). Sexual behavior and dysfunctions in college students: Psychopathological correlates. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 15(6), 820-830.
- Coluccia, A., Ferretti, F., Fagiolini, A., Pozza, A., & Caroppo, E. (2016). May autoerotic asphyxiation be considered a paraphilic disorder? Forensic Science International, 261, 1-6.
- Joyal, C. C., & Carpentier, J. (2017). The prevalence of paraphilic interests and behaviors in the general population: A provincial survey. Journal of Sex Research, 54(2), 161-171.
- Konrad, J. (2015). The neuroscience of masochism: Why some people enjoy pain. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, 58, 33-45.
- Rosenthal, R. J. (2015). Masochism and gambling: A discussion of psychodynamics. Journal of Gambling Studies, 31(2), 637-655
FAQ:
| 1. What is masochism? | Masochism refers to deriving pleasure from one’s own pain or humiliation, often within a sexual context, as part of consensual BDSM practices. |
| 2. Is masochism considered a paraphilia? | Masochism can be considered a type of paraphilia if it involves intense arousal from non-normative fantasies. However, when practiced consensually, it is generally considered a healthy sexual preference. |
| 3. When is masochistic behavior a problem? | Masochistic behavior becomes problematic if it causes harm to oneself or others without consent, or if it significantly disrupts daily life. In rare cases, activities such as breath play can be dangerous and require careful consideration of safety. |
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